Love is more than an emotion. Love is an action. With divorce rates over 30 to 40 percent at present, it
is clear that many persons misunderstand the way in which we as persons learn to love. Jesus stated that we are to love our enemies. It is easy for someone to love those that love us. But what do we do when we are faced with persons who choose at times to not love us. When persons in our lives downright break their promises to us.

First we need to understand something about our minds. Our minds hold emotions and memories in the hippocampus and the amygdala. When we are older , unresolved material, that which is connected to pain and suffering gets triggered by current events. These current events are interpreted through our old beliefs and feelings. So as Jesus stated. First we must see our planks before we can clearly understand the other persons specks.

Those, it seems, who are the closest to us, such as husbands, wives, family members, children, trigger these old feelings more than a mere acquaintance would. That is the way it is with our old unresolved issues. This is true usually because our old unresolved issues are often time created as children, and most of our old wounds are received at the hands of family and close friends. Of course there are many exceptions. However, even with the child who is molested by a neighbor, the way the parent responded or did not respond usually caused the greatest pain and wound.

When we feel pain from these unresolved wounds our minds experience them in much the same way and depth as when we originally experienced them as children. With this said, Jesus gave us a very clear pattern of how to deal with our pain. First we are to remove and have our planks (experiences, perceptions) removed before we can see clearly as to the motivations of anothers’ heart. We are not to judge others simply because our perceptions are always determined by our past experiences.

Love believes all things. You see, we are commanded to always give mercy, even as we are granted mercy. Forgive as we are forgiven. So how do we treat a spouse, or friend, or person who has hurt us? First we choose to forgive. Second we ask god to show us what the real source of our pain is. We must go beyond blaming the present situation. We must look for the root cuaue of the pain. The unresolved wound that our now current situation is triggering and connecting itself to.

This is the way of the cross. My book “Restoring Gods Image” will sow you how to accomplish this in your life. It is time to stop leaving our marriages and fighting to allow God to teach us how to love unconditionally. This can be accomplished.

I thought today I would talk about the process of therapy. For many people the idea of sitting and telling someone your problems is apprehensible.  What will that  person think of me? Do I really need someone to tell my problems to? Do I really have any problems at all.  How can someone who does not know me know how to fix my problems, and after all, this is the way I have been all of my life. How can I or why should I change?

What happen to friends that you could count on to hear you out and give you good advice? Somehow, it seems like those days are over. In many churches , pastors do very little counseling and have stepped aside for professional counselors. I for example see between 30 and 3 people a week. That’s over 1500 hours a year of talking and praying for persons with varied problems. Just because of sheer numbers it makes sense to find someone who has lots of experience.

There are some things that everyone should know about therapy. One is that things could get worse before they get better. Why is this? Because material in your mind that has been hidden and suppressed for years is being brought to the emotional surface as the brain is being stimulated to process. Often this is painful information that we have been unwilling, or unknowingly repressing since youth. And after all , no one likes pain.

But sometimes, pain is a good thing. Pain tells us that something is wrong and in the right hands therapy can help identify what that wrong painful thing is.

But be ready, there are no quick fixes. And be ready, there is no gain if  there is no pain. So it could take at least a year to work out all of your debilitating stuff. And many times more than this.

First a therapist develops a rapport with his client. This means that as a client you will be entering into a relationship that demands honesty. Of course this may not happen immediately.  But if you are unwilling to take the plunge, forget it. Withholding will eventually keep you from getting the help that you need.

Second, you will discover emotions that you may not be willing to own. Overwhelming at times. But remember, nothing in your past had killed you before. They will not now.

Next it may be important to have a good support system in place. Friends, family, therapist, etc. the stronger your support system the better.

And remember. Good therapy will uncover underlying motions, beliefs and motivations that will be disturbing at first, but with time will give way to truth that will bring  freedom.

So go for it. If you have never had counseling, every person can and will benefit. I hope to hear from you soon.

Love requires sacrifice. Or at least a willingness to prefer the other person before your own wishes and desires. This is specifically what scripture states. Love does not seek after its own, and love does what is in the best interest of the other.

Too often , however, love has become a meaningless emotion, not backed by a solid commitment to the other. Self seeking interest, interested only in what makes “me” feel good.

But if we are very honest, we realize that most couples come into a relationship to meet a need inside of themselves. This met need gives each one a nice feeling which is then misunderstood for love. But this is just the chemical feel good response that comes from having our holes filled. It is not , you see the love that is spoken of in scripture. It is not the love tested by fire, the fires of life and struggle. This type of love takes years of commitment to one another. Placing our needs second to the needs of the other.

But this type of love cuts against the culture that we live in. even current Christian thought that states that we have to our needs fulfilled by the other and we have the right to demand this. Well we don’t

What we do have is the command to do what is the best interest of the other. Sometimes this means we must confront our mate with their sin. It is not a love of self protection, but a love that risks itself to bring the other into a right relationship with God and into right behavior that is pleasing to God.

Gods love is all of this. He is willing to discipline and correct those that he loves. He has no thought of Himself when He sacrificed himself for us. He knows that He is loved by His father, and this knowledge enables him to stand against the unloving assaults against Him. When we know that we are loved by our Lord, we can forgive the mistreatment by others. This is how it works in all of our relationships and knowing that we are loved enables us to love others without conditions.

Jim and Sue came to me at the end of their rope. They were in danger of losing their relationship, their hope and their faith. They had been referred to me precisely because they wanted counsel from someone who understood their faith in Christ. After the first session, Sue spoke up: “We’ve been to counselors before, but this is different. It’s not what we expected. What you’re saying is easy to understand, because it’s based on scripture. Most of all, you asked us to bring everything to Christ.”
This shouldn’t have been so surprising. As Christians, we have the Holy Spirit living in us, so we are able to discern things spiritually. When we experience truth, it is Christ in us speaking, and the Holy Spirit gives a resounding yes! We receive the truth in our minds, but the understanding and hope come from the Spirit within us. That’s our inheritance as new creatures, born again of God. “If any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
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People who have been in therapy often assure me they’ve worked through everything in their past. Then when the old issues resurface, they say, “I thought I’d dealt with that already!” Usually, they’ve only come to a partial understanding of their past events, and have never dealt with the deep issues that prevent their healing. These issues are those of resentment, vows, and strongholds.
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Healing requires an encounter with the living God, and the simple yet life-changing principles established in scripture. Scripture is essential for the life of God’s people. If that is so, we must make certain that the things we depend on for change and healing are supported by God’s word. We shouldn’t entrust our lives and relationships to unscriptural ideas.
That is why I wrote “Restoring God’s Image, the Narrow Gate of Healing and Transformation.” Together we will explore psychological healing through God’s word.

This blog is about healing. Or better yet, Transformation. Is there a difference? I think so.  Healing, you see is temporary. Why? Because one day we will eventually die. Or should I say:” this body we re in will cease to exist.” But Transformation is of a different character. Transformation is eternal. It is made up of the character of God Himself. Conforming us into His image. Where we will on a full time basis reveal Him. (I use the word, time, but literally eternity is outside of time as we know it.)

I am John DelGrosso. I was born in 1955 in Brooklyn, New York. I am the grandchild of Italian and Jewish immigrants. It was not until 1984 that I embraced the scriptures as my way to live life. Almost immediately I began assisting people in the process of being healed emotionally and physically by the presence and power of god. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me at that time, it would take many years for me to find significant change in my own life. Not that I did not have a drastic change of heart the day I first heard god speak to me, but because the deeper work of sanctification and transformation is a process that we must fight for on a daily basis.

After years of this and then going into the field of counseling to help others in this quest, I have come to write this book, ”Restoring God’s Image The Narrow gate of Healing and Transformation.” . It is about what I found to be a simple yet not easy path to emotional and cognitive healing. Or should I say Transformation.  In this blog I will be giving you excerpts from my book and also new insights that I and others gain regarding the pursuit of Transformation. But it is not we that are the pursuers, but rather it is God that pursues us. This is a way to surrender to Him, our salvation. For His name is “Salvation”

I look forward to you reading and me hearing from you. Enjoy my book. I am sure that it will be a blessing and healing tool in your life.